Society is making me mean, #AhmedMac

Day by day I'm going away from my religion, my culture. Society is brainwashing me to be mean and live like others. I struggled for years to live like how a muslim should, but eventually when I reached the verge of destruction, I had to learn to bow my head according to the circumstances. Now I feel bad that I'm becoming more like others, I have started thinking like others, my compassion for others is going away from me. I think it's not in my hands, everything that happens is by the permission of Allah, I have tasted faith and I can say that it was the most beautiful taste I ever had. Maybe I don't deserve it, maybe I'm not yet ready to have such a beautiful thing in my life. Maybe my God isn't happy from me.

Today when I hear about rape incidents, I don't feel that sad anymore, I used to feel their pain once. But now I'm becoming a person like everyone else who just cares for himself. I hate rape culture, I have a great sympathy with such victims, I'm your brother, I'm your friend, no one may pray for you but I shall always. I can't forget what my religion taught me, I won't be a human unless I have the feelings of a human. Humanity is the thing that makes someone a human. I am not saying this to impress anyone, some people who know me from years do know it too, that I had a great desire of giving shelter and love to the victims of war and rape, they're my brothers and sisters, that's what my religion taught me. I wanted to marry 4 of them and motivate people to marry them too. I thought it to be possible. I thought that I'll be strong enough to stand against society, I thought that I'll have much assets to do good at every level possible. But now it seems impossible to me, it seems imaginary.

I had faith that the people who do good get the capability to complete their missions and win against evil, but I was wrong, this world is not an easy game, you can't just devise a simple formula of life. The people who do good are tested the most in this world. I used to be an optimist, I used to imagine a perfect world, I still do. But my spirits have gone rogue, I'm a pessimist now. Still Insha-Allah, if I got the chance to do good at any level, then I shall. May God help me fulfill my promise. I'm a sinner too, not a pious person, I was heading towards that, but I'm getting lost. May Allah forgive, help and guide us all (ameen).

Is there any peace or satisfaction in this world?

A part of me wishes to have a good life partner, but another part of me wants to live and die alone. There's no eternal peace in this world, now you have it and the next second it's gone. There's no peace without losses, you can't stay happy or content with life always, you will always lack of something (love, peace, justice).

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Whenever a war is fought and lands are captured, men are slaughtered or enslaved, while women are captured and played like an object, that's the most inhumane action. In this era, maybe women in some civilized societys are more secure than they were in the past, but still there's injustice and barbaric actions taking place, if we don't suffer then it doesn't mean that it doesn't happen, people are going through it, even right now!

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I don't want my God to punish someone I love for my mistakes, the mistakes I made, and the mistakes that I'll make. Indeed Allah isn't our enemy, He is our creator, He loves us, we are our own cruel enemy, but I fear that what if I may not be able to pass a trial? I fear it's results on my family, on my belief and everything. Even innocents get raped and so many other things, I don't want to be in that position. I don't want to be the father, husband or brother of someone who lost her dignity, I won't be able to live, I won't be able to see or feel her pain, I won't be able to .... I fear.

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May Allah protect us all, all humans of every religion, because it's against the moral of humanity to be such vicious with anyone no matter what's the religion. Islam tells us to show humanity to all people, therefore we must care for all victims of life. Ya Allah protect us!

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I have a question for you, for all the men (please show this post to your male family members). Will you marry a rape victim when the whole society torments her? If not then why not? You may have sisters, daughters and mother too, they could be a victim if God wanted, so would you care for them then? Your answer will prove if you've any humanity left.