Society is making me mean, #AhmedMac

Day by day I'm going away from my religion, my culture. Society is brainwashing me to be mean and live like others. I struggled for years to live like how a muslim should, but eventually when I reached the verge of destruction, I had to learn to bow my head according to the circumstances. Now I feel bad that I'm becoming more like others, I have started thinking like others, my compassion for others is going away from me. I think it's not in my hands, everything that happens is by the permission of Allah, I have tasted faith and I can say that it was the most beautiful taste I ever had. Maybe I don't deserve it, maybe I'm not yet ready to have such a beautiful thing in my life. Maybe my God isn't happy from me.

Today when I hear about rape incidents, I don't feel that sad anymore, I used to feel their pain once. But now I'm becoming a person like everyone else who just cares for himself. I hate rape culture, I have a great sympathy with such victims, I'm your brother, I'm your friend, no one may pray for you but I shall always. I can't forget what my religion taught me, I won't be a human unless I have the feelings of a human. Humanity is the thing that makes someone a human. I am not saying this to impress anyone, some people who know me from years do know it too, that I had a great desire of giving shelter and love to the victims of war and rape, they're my brothers and sisters, that's what my religion taught me. I wanted to marry 4 of them and motivate people to marry them too. I thought it to be possible. I thought that I'll be strong enough to stand against society, I thought that I'll have much assets to do good at every level possible. But now it seems impossible to me, it seems imaginary.

I had faith that the people who do good get the capability to complete their missions and win against evil, but I was wrong, this world is not an easy game, you can't just devise a simple formula of life. The people who do good are tested the most in this world. I used to be an optimist, I used to imagine a perfect world, I still do. But my spirits have gone rogue, I'm a pessimist now. Still Insha-Allah, if I got the chance to do good at any level, then I shall. May God help me fulfill my promise. I'm a sinner too, not a pious person, I was heading towards that, but I'm getting lost. May Allah forgive, help and guide us all (ameen).

You can't say that it's impossible unless you fail, so try

"Maybe the thing you are trying to achieve is not impossible to have. Maybe it became impossible for you just because you didn't try at all and thought that it's totally impossible. Sometimes all it takes is a try to be successful", Ahmed Mac

To say the unsaid, by Ahmed Mac

I have to say a lot of things but I can't put everything in words, my heart speaks more than my tongue, I want to do better than all, I want to do the impossible, but there are infinite barriers in my way, the world isn't a place to enjoy or live in peace, life is full of worries. I don't know how can I say what I mean to say, people are suffering and I'm just living my life, I can't actually do anything for them.

I feel some of their pain, I wish I could take their all pain away, I wish I could stop the injustice of all kinds, I wish I could have the power to stop every bad thing from happening, inhumanity is on its peak. Every human is a brother/sister to the other human, everyone should live in harmony. I don't know if I can convey this message to the world, I don't know if I'll achieve what I want. Preaching people is some other thing, in it it's upto them to pay heed or stay the same, but fighting injustice is something else, in it good people who don't hurt others get violated in inhumane ways, even the thinking of it breaks my heart, such pain exists too. Tauba Astagfar-Astagfirullah!

I wish I could make bad people and barbaric actions an example by punishing them in a terrible way that the whole would observe till the end of this world. There's always someone being hurt, why does no one feel their pain? They're your brothers and sisters, they're humans of your kind, don't you feel the need to do something? Your army is on your payroll, your country runs on your tax money, you still think that you can't do anything? You can! You only just don't want to leave your comfort zone, you are not a human. Are you? You're afraid of taking a step, you want to follow and don't want to be followed, and when there's no one good to follow you can't stand up for the right!

I don't think that it's needed to state the verses of Quran where Allah asked the believers to fight against the unjust things and stand for the people who are crying for help day and night. You don't yet know the pain. Financial, emotional and physical losses are just nothing as compared to rape, physical violence and murder. You can't feel the pain, you're not a victim, you don't know how they feel. If I could have just one wish come true, I would wish for justice for all mankind. I wish I could do something for the poor sisters who had to go through such moments. I actually hate this world, if I could give my life so that they may not suffer then I would certainly do that. I'm getting infinite reasons of not wishing for a daughter and wife, the world is so cruel, I don't have much strength and power to fight the evil, I'm just one alone person who wish to see others in joy and live in peace.

I believe in justice on the day of resurrection (Akhrat) by Allah. But I can't stand still and say nothing about what evil is being done to others, it's not what my religion allow me to do, my religion is a light of humanity. People are sleeping, blinded by luxuries, fooled by society. The feeling that I can't do anything about it makes me feel helpless, it kills me from inside every second of my life, it's humanity. If you have been a victim then my brother/sister I want to let you know that I'd do anything for you if I could or would be there, I would break every national law and wouldn't hesitate to kill the oppressors with my own bare hands no matter the worldly consequences, I don't care about democracy or leadership, if I get the chance for doing the right, I won't care for anything but the truth. A person once told me that you can't turn the button of "humanity" off, she was right on that, I had switched off the button for about two months, but now it's restarted. May Allah save everyone, ameen.