I didn't know if I was on the right track or on the wrong, I was just continuing the footsteps by keeping faith that Allah will put good in everything for me because I kept faith, improved myself and worked hard for spreading his message forward. I didn't select just an one way road, I struggled on many roads, changed my course several times, tried to avail every available and shown opportunity for the last 5 years. But fate didn't let me win, you can't get success if Allah hasn't written that for you. No matter how hard you try or tried, if it's not approved for you, you won't get it.
In my journey, I have learned a lot about life. I learned that you won't get everything you desire or work for, you won't have peace, you will attract those things which scare you the most, people will be mean and deceive you, society will make fun of you just because you were unable to succeed, people will talk about their and others' success in front of you even after knowing that you've been a victim of fate, and your parents are the only and most loving people you'll ever get in your life (hundred percent true).
After seeing your passion, confidence and work-time, people start expecting a big-time output. They forget that the button of success and approval is not in our hands, it's not us who can decide something for ourselves but Allah. When you work-hard, make a different selection or take a different choice, show faith in what you do and wait but don't succeed then it breaks you, not just by the failure, but by people around who mock you for your failure. When you aren't able to deliver what you thought you would, people don't let you live in peace anymore, not even the ones around you.
I'm in the same situation guys, I have been unable to succeed and I haven't gotten much time left, I may not fear that, but a name of a person is attached to my name, his repute is because of his efforts and sovereignty. So if I lose, I'll lose everything, but I'll give him pain too, I'll bring disgrace to him too. My father has supported me while the whole world has rejected me. He may act in a strict behavior, but now I do understand the pain and hidden tears behind that strictness. He's the best person I can ever have. I won't ever be able to return his favors, his sacrifices. He's the number one for me.
If you have any respect for me, or feeling of gratitude for what I tried, then do pray for me. I continued what I believed this far, but I have no road further, this may be my last post, I'm not sure of anything. In these years, I have given up so many times, but got back and made a delusional hope. That behavior can't go much longer. When there's no hope, then actually there's no hope, even if I could fake it, I can't fake my future. Maybe I've been unsuccessful in my test by God, that can be the reason of regretting.
All I can say is that my success wasn't in my hands, I did try, I did keep faith, I have sacrificed my whole life and a bright future by common ways, I gave up my whole days and nights, but yes I failed. I have so many questions in my mind which only God can answer, I feel so useless, Allah didn't answer my prayers and I don't know why, a very short limit of time is all I have left, probably few days or weeks, and whatever I try, or think of trying, it goes in total vain. I can't explain how I feel, or how I should feel, I'm not gaining sustainability, probably the days of working are over, and the days of temptation and suffering have come.
I AM SO WEAK FOR THIS WORLD!
(Source: Ahmed Mac's Facebook Page)
